Bleeding Soul
by Whisper on the Wind
Summary: After Yashy chooses Kikyo, Kagome spills her guts on the page. WARNING: Very dark and angsty. If your in a good mood and wanna stay that way I wouldn't recomend reading my fic. To the rest of you R&R pretty please. ;)


WOTW- Well I'm back! Why such a long break? I don't know. I mean last time I updated I was still 13 so… Hehe my birthday was like 3 months ago. Anyways… Coinciding with my bleeding soul I thought I'd write a little ficcy. So this is about how Kagome feels about everything that has happened and InuYasha choosing Kikyo. (A/N: Okay we all know our lovable yashy has chosen no one yet… but for the purposes of my angsty fic he's chosen Kikyo once and for all.)

Disclaimer- Okay I admit it; I wrote this for me cause my soul is bleeding. Oh that's not what I'm supposed to put in the disclaimer? Hm… Oh yeah! I don't own them.

After being stabbed so many times my soul can't take anymore. Gushing its essence; clouding around everyone nearby. It used to heal from small wounds. But I was simple then. Now I'm older, understand more. And the things that I would once not give a second thought to are tearing me apart.

The final blow; one of rejection. But it's not the rejection itself that stings. It's the fact that I was made to believe I was loved by someone who was destined to turn around and deliver the blow brining me here to this point.

It's not that life is bad even. I know to everyone else I'm well off. But my mind, my heart, my soul; they beg to differ. My heart is laying at my feet in so many broken pieces I can never mend it. My mind is twisted by so much corruption and betrayal I can never think logically again. My soul has bled so much; it's growing weaker as the seconds tick by.

I wish I could take back everything I said, did. All the silent "I love you" 's whispered into the wind behind his back. All the times I wandered to his side when he was bleeding and near death after battle. It's what fills me now. Without it I'm empty. But better empty than in pain. If only I could forget.

I would like nothing more now than to burrow deep within myself and watch the world speed by me. I would sacrifice ever feeling love or happiness if I never again had to feel pain or sorrow. Joy is so easily forgotten because it mends us and then slips our memory when painful stabs hit us. Pain is remembered by the scars it leaves.

Ugly, dark, brutal scars. Invisible to the eye they stand out only after the truth is told. And then even the most beautiful person can be viewed as ugly or twisted because of the bold memories plaguing them.

And then a bleeding soul can drive the conscience to do anything. Emotional scars become physical scars visible to everyone. Scars on wrists from people attempting to escape. Scars on ankles and arms from people letting the amount of blood they lose show their pain. Scars from people whose emotional pain can only be compensated for by physical tearing pain.

The latter 2 of the 3 are me. Scars on ankles, arms, anywhere people wouldn't see the long crimson scabs. All the memories of nails, digging into palms to give my mind a new pain to concentrate on when the emotions were overwhelming at best.

Why? Anytime I tell anyone I get asked why. Why would you hurt yourself? Why would you be so weak? What in the hells would make you want to do something like that? It's the sick twisted comfort and pleasure that comes from injuring one's self. I know it sounds weird. You'd have to live through it to understand.

I have come to the conclusion that since my soul's original body is here there's no need for me to stay. I can go home. And if I'm not needed there then I can move on. The eternal sleep. The simple solution to my ongoing pain.

Time heals all wounds. That's what they tell you but it's not true. Time dulls some pains. But then little things bring back memories. And since time is all that affected the pain in the first place the memory is as painful.

Pain can break a person. It can do horrible damage. It can open your eyes. I was blind. Foolish even. But now I know I wasn't ever needed here. Not now, not ever before, not in the future.

WOTW- Well how was that for a semi-suicidal dark depressing angsty confessional? Pretty damn good I would say. I did good for currently happy go lucky girl with pretty few things to worry about right now. But I could write this because, just as Kagome said, scars and pain healed only by time are just as painful when it's all brought back to the surface.

No worries I don't plan on offing myself. Or "injuring" myself anymore.

Let's just say that in the case of this fic me and Kagome have way too much in common if you catch my drift.

Well there's the cute purple button. Why don't you hit it? I mean it's not like it'll take long. And doing stuff for other's is always good!

Translation: Hit the review button and tell me what you though.

Arigato! Sayonara!


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